His timing, His plan

If you have been following my blog for a while now you know all about my health issues and tummy troubles.

It's a very long story if you have not. To vaguely recap I have been suffering for 3 years with abdominal pain and many other strange symptoms. After what felt like never ending tests, diet changes, medications, supplements, removal of my gallbladder, this list goes on....my issues still  remain unanswered. But I always knew that things were not quite right in my body. 

Last month my period and painful cramps never went away and I felt a hard mass in my lower abdomen. Most nights I would wake soaking wet with sweat and during the day I felt exhausted. I knew it was time to call my doctor. After an exam she told me it was a large fibroid tumor on my uterus. She ordered a blood test and ultrasound. We talked about surgery and perhaps the removal of my entire uterus.

Yesterday Kevin and I went to get the ultrasound of my uterus and got a peek of the little guy. Yes, I just called it a little guy, humor helps. Infact it's not so little, about the size of a grapefruit to be exact. Yes, I officially look 5 moths pregnant. It must have been growing for quite some time.

But thinking back on the past 3 years it was almost relief to have a solid diagnosis (of anykind) and maybe an answer to my health issues. Of course surgery scares me. We didn't plan on more children however, I never thought the option would be taken away completely. Im only 29, this sort of thing was not in my plans to say the least.

 It's an amazing thing, Gods perfect timing. I was blessed early in life with two little boys, Caleb and Deacon.  At the time it was not part of my plan either. But I realize now I couldn't have planned it better if I tried. I have no regrets because I trust that God has a better plan and better timing than I possibly could. Even at my young age the Lord equipped me with the ability to raise them even when I felt I couldn't. Yes, I have asked myself if there is something I am missing by not having a daughter. But the answer is clear His timing, not mine. His plan, not mine.

This attitude doesn't come easily to me, don't get me wrong. I'm a planner by nature. I'm a planner encouraged by society. But I need to let go of that. I need to seek the Lords plan and timing for my life daily and maybe sometimes hourly. I know He will provide for me whatever I need and beyond.

For whatever is ahead in my life I trust Him.
His timing, His plan.

I would like to pray for anyone reading that needs it. I have been so blessed to have many people praying for me and I want to bless you too. Please leave a comment if you need prayer and I will pray for you.

Blessings, Nicole