"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

My testimony, My Blessing

I was 17 years old. I grew up in a christian family and I felt I knew everything about God and Jesus. But being a rebellious teen I wanted to live my own life and have "fun." I walked away from Christ and did my own thing.

I moved away from home. I was doing drugs, drinking and partying to my hearts content. It felt good to make my own decisions for once. I was having the time of my life after all! But after a short time living in that environment I started to hurt physically and mentally. Bad decisions and drinking left me vulnerable to being raped by an older man. Even after that I was still stubborn and wanted to live my own life, I could handle it. My health was quickly declining. I ended up getting UT infections and my teeth were in desperate need of dental care. Drinking and drugs could no longer mask my pain. I ended up being an emotional mess. Living my own way wasn't ending up exactly how I had planned. I was a wreak. I felt hopeless.

I asked my parents to move back home. I cleaned up a little bit but I was still trying to do it my way. I got a job at a local restaurant where I met Kevin. He was the most handsome guy I had ever seen. We had chemistry from the first time our eyes locked. He was different, very different. I knew he must have liked me too because he introduced himself to everyone in the restaurant but me. We argue about this, but I remember breaking the ice and introducing myself first. My blog, my story ; ) After our introduction we were never separated, not once. 

I was feeling better and living better but I still wanted to live my own way. I was still drinking on occasion but not much. Only 3 weeks later another bad decision left Kevin and I pregnant at 17 and 18 years old. I knew my life would be changed from that moment on. Several people whom I trusted told me to have an abortion and said my life would be ruined by a baby. Out of panic Kevin handed me a paper with abortion clinic addresses and phone numbers on it. My heart sank. At that point I realized I needed God. I could not handle my life on my own anymore because it wasn't just MY life anymore. There was a precious baby with me now. God led me to a christian friend whom I trusted to help me sort through this situation. She simply told me, "Babies are a blessing from God." From that moment on I was forever changed. I knew that I had made some huge mistakes, but God was still going to bless me? I felt so undeserving. I asked God to forgive me for my sins. 

I told Kevin I was going to have our baby with or without his participation. This is when my stubbornness was actually useful. God worked in Kevin's heart and he was willing support me and our baby. He never missed a doctor appointment, he was a great father. I changed my life. I devoted my life God and to my beautiful baby growing in my tiny teenage belly. I was just a baby myself but God gave me the strength and capability to take care of this precious blessing. As I look back I can hardly believe the capability I felt at such a young age. It was a miracle from God. Kevin and my relationship grew into a deep love. No one expected us to stay together for more than a few months. But we married and three months later our little blessing came into our lives. Our little Caleb Robert Matteri. I never knew I could be so in love with someone I just met. God revealed His love for me through this little baby boy. I developed my own relationship with God again. God has continually blessed my marriage and my family. Kevin and I have a wonderful marriage nine years later. It has not been easy but God helped us through the tough times and continues to be faithful to us.

God is my compass of light in times of darkness. 

I cant live life in my own, I NEED God. 

He is my rock and fortress.

Thank you God for giving me hope and a life filled with great joy. 

Thank you for my little boy who reminds me every day that he is my blessing from You and he brought me back to a relationship with You.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11


Susan said...

Wow! Such an inspiring story! God has truly blessed you and he had such a definite plan for you life!!

Debra said...

Loved your testimony Nicole, I am so proud of the wife, mom, daughter you have become!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful testimony!

I admire your faith and humility! You are an exemplary Christian woman!

It was so great to meet you guys! :)